A Sleepless Nights Confessions
by Aussie Zoom
Summary: What Happens When A Smart Man Spends Another Sleepless Night Sitting In Front Of A Computer Screen Typing His Confessions This Is A Short Entry In His Journal (Following On From A Fowls Inner Most Thoughts Again I Only Use Artemis As The Person Typing This No Other People From The Story Where Used In Any Way Shape Or Form This Is Him With His Computer And His Thoughts)


Have you ever had thought about of kissing one of your friends? not like a friendly kiss i mean like lips touching one another? wrapping your arms around them like a significant other and whisper sweet little cute things into their ear? but shied away because it might break the friendship so you step back and sigh does it crush you inside seeing that friend with someone else? do you get angry? do you get sad? or do you just accept it because you know there's nothing you can do anymore and it kills you in the most deepest of places you thought never you had? you try telling yourself you still have them as a friend but you can help but to want to be something more than that acceptance is the most bitter pill to swallow and it always will be just keep your fingers crossed though a wish might come true.

But wishing is something that crushes your soul it is something that hurts you even when you think it can't or won't. But to be honest where do you draw the line where do you stop yourself and say hold on there where can I go from here the simple answer is you cant stop yourself and you may never know where you can go from here. Look at me I go for the unobtainable. This is to stop myself from getting hurt but that doesn't stop that from happening it only makes it worse especially when it is a friend that I want to slowly walk up to and have a long lasting and intimate kiss with a friend I could let go and make them want to come back not to be friends but more than that.

It has been a few weeks since I last did a my journal entry detailing how my mind works and how much I have in my head and want nothing more than to let out in the most basic literary fashion. But me I don't like to talk about my problems and what causes them. The last entry was hard and I regret even writing it because it show that I am weak when everyone. Usually I am the pillar the strong one that heals and mends the family unit the one that the person always trying to ground everyone sadly I'm not the most grounded person and wishing about kissing people makes it worse. But I thought I would continue bearing my soul and show you guys what I aim for and what makes me tick.

So let me try

In dead of night most people see what they want to see small children see monsters, young a venerable women see predators and young men see strangers. You know what the dead of night brings be is disappointment again after I see what I have done wrong what I will do wrong and how I will try and fix it but inevitably fail at the task. With all the relationships I have lost and all the people that run once they see my personality that I am old fashioned when they think ill be a quick lay. That destroys my soul makes me question why I try and who I have to please. That is why friends are someone I can turn to, they are always there and always have your back no matter what. But what good are they when they make you wish you had never even tried to meet them.

I have made that mistake many times when I make people fall in love with me by acting like something im not.

I'm not their friend, im a lover, a confidant and someone that will love you till the end of time so I don't have to get to know you that well at the start so I don't have to bear what burdens I carry within myself to wish I was destroyed. But you know what? love has left its mark on me love has made me scared to fall back into it again it likes to abuse me it likes to eat away at my will to live it's made me mentally sick with flashbacks that I can't get rid of them love has it torn at my heart so much only the thing is are the valves every time love hugs me it promises me everything but all i get in the end is the same thing the purest of pain the purest of sadness misery loves me so much but i don't love her back she always wants me to feel her cold embrace but i pull away and with tears i say that I will never feel again and I go back to my friends for their confort and shielding and then the cycle starts again and I cant see the light at the tunnel from the lips that you my friend are speaking from


End file.
